Friday, December 7, 2007

CLASSIC DIAZ : irony, necessity, or other? (orig. 7.9.06)

While I was sitting around watching a movie today I noticed that my apartment is filled with an inordinate amount of trinkets, posters, and general objects of an ironic nature. This basically means they were purchased because they were either funny for some reason, pertained to an inside joke, or are somehow outdated or useless. Anything from art to a shirt can be ironic.

How or who acquired these things is a mystery to me since they almost entirely belong to my roommates. I started to really investigate them and wonder, do we really need these things? And... just how funny are they? I made a list of a sampling of things and tried to decide if it was ironic or necessary. Then there's a weird grey area of stuff that we'll just call "other". Let's see what we've got!

- Astroturf. Maggie decided it would be a good idea to purchase a large square of astroturf to put underneath the two tables by the couches. I guess it's kitschy in a way that says, "I no longer want to sweep the floor, so I'll just shake out the astroturf every so often". VERDICT : ironic

- Wall mounted key holder made of metal antlers. We all know how funny hunting is. Stuffing and mounting the head of an animal is a real hoot. Hang your keys from it and it's a laugh a minute. Oh, did I mention the antlers are metal and about a 1/4 the size of regular deer antlers? VERDICT : ironic

- Mini poster of R. Kelly. Most of us here appreciate R.'s Trapped In The Closet saga. We really do. Truly an urban masterpiece. VERDICT : other (kind of cool)

- 3 vignette paintings of horses over the closet. Yeah, yeah, we like horses. Hilarious. There's that one video of that guy... and ... nevermind... VERDICT : ironic

- Rhiannon's handmade Christmas card with horse pictures in it. This is a double whammy. On one hand we're sending each other Christmas cards when we saw each other almost every day (or used to), but then there's the horse pictures. VERDICT : ironic

- Huey Lewis giving the thumbs up poster. This one is a carry over from my last apartment. This hung over the kitchen for almost 2 years and is now prominently featured at the end of the hallway. I may be the only person in this house who actually listens to H.L. and The News. VERDICT (based on everyone else's opinion of Huey) : ironic

- 2 deer lawn ornaments. One of them is wearing a bandana. They are both spraypainted with the word "dirtparade". VERDICT : ironic

- "GO YOU RAIDERS" penant. I don't know that any of us either know who the Raiders are or were, or were fans of the team. VERDICT : ironic

- Gag lighter. I have been fooled by this thing so many fucking times. I refuse to use any lighter that's not already in my pocket now. All this thing does is shock you when you press the lever down. It doesn't actually produce any flame. I have watched people try to repeatadly use it while drunk or stoned. VERDICT : stupid

- Rabbit ears for the TV. I don't know why I felt the need to include this, but I guess since we don't have cable ... VERDICT : necessity

- Coors Light 18 pack. This is an Old Style/PBR house so this could be construed as ironic since it's generally been deemed uncool by the anti-beer snobs to drink Coors Light. But, since the objective is to get drunk, then I have to create a new category for this. This is my blog so I can create as many categories as I please. VERDICT : ironic necessity

- Lauren. VERDICT : ironic

- Guns N Roses poster. Iron Maiden flag. Some would instinctively view this as ironic, but how wrong they would be. This is a house of much raging, thrashing, and rocking. Plus the Iron Maiden flag is in the window for all the neighborhood to see. Some weird homeless-y dude rolled by on a bike on 6/6/06 and yelled out to me, "IRON MAIDEN, number of the beast". Rock on dude! VERDICT : necessity

- Danzig, the cat. This poor thing was left behind by his owner. He has fleas now and is forced to spend what little bit of life he may have in him outdoors. VERDICT : sad

- Shitty paintings and pictures of owls. I guess when you want to "class up" a place you throw a couple of these around. The fact remains, though, NO ONE likes these. The one who's resting place is above the record shelf is especially hideous. VERDICT : ironic

- Picture of me on the refrigerator with a koala. I love holding animals. VERDICT : adorable

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