Sunday, December 27, 2009

How could I forget?

It's been ages since I posted anything here. I sort of ran of out of cool, weird internet things. Not to mention, I started to realize that I was a miserable, cynical person incapable of feeling compassion for anyone at all. After mocking everything from Canadian television to Juggalos to Kanye West, I figured it was time to take a break from the world of blogging. My 15 followers were extremely pissed.

My 2000+ Twitter followers however were not, since I continue to post every day, ridiculous minutiae that no one in their right mind should care about. And, on those off days when I'm feeling extra spicy, I have to field tons of @ replies from morons I have never met who feel the need to tell me that an opinion can be wrong. Your complaints have fallen on my hearing impaired, too-old-to-give-a-shit ears. Your replies may end up being the basis for a series of "can you believe these idiots?" posts. Like everything else in my life - I'm working on it.

Well... every time I take a little break from my globe trotting I find time to get back onto this thing and give it another go 'round for a few months. Expect a few updates really soon.

To answer a question I did get a long time ago : No, I will never have a Tumblr. Old Man Diaz likes Blogspot. You kids and your fancy Tumblrs are for the birds.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Kanye West x Patrick Swayze x Michael Jackson

I want this preserved on the internet for years to come. The best 4 hours of internet wildfire comedy I have experienced in a while. The best part is that this joke won't even make sense in a couple of months without having to go, "Oh yeah....because Taylor Swift... and Kanye.. and then Swayze died." Man, Swayze died... R.I.P. Dalton. Pain don't hurt.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Jesus hates roadies

I don't see one on here for guitar techs so basically Jesus is all, "FUCK YOU GUITAR TECHS. YOUR WORK IS WITH SATAN!"

Jesus...With You Always!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Punk, punk, and more punk!!

Please find out what TV show this is. Also, find me a believable British accent for this guy. This is what I think of "punk" kids today, what with their fancy hot tubs, wet bars, and fireman's poles...

(via Street Boners and TV Carnage)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Williamsburg bathroom scene

I'm pretty sure I saw this go down in a bar in Brooklyn this weekend...

(via Everything Is Terrible)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Lil' Wayne can't "fuck every girl in the world"

Multi-platinum selling hip-hop artist Lil' Wayne has expressed his carnal desire to "fuck every girl in the world" on his track 'Every Girl'. While this is truly a noble goal often sought after but never really achieved before, Lil' Wayne has been known to surprise us time after time. Maybe it's true. Maybe he can fulfill his desire to have sex with every known female on planet Earth. After all, we're not the same as him. He has expressed before that he is a Martian, and his face tattoo does tell us that he IS music.

Here's the song if you don't know what I'm talking about ...

After some calculation it was decided that this task was completely impossible. Assuming that Wayne lives to be 72 (a generous estimate considering the amount of weed he smokes and cough syrup/alcohol concoctions he drinks), and that he is able to maintain his sexual stamina until the minute of his death, also not accounting for births, deaths, and other mitigating factors surrounding all the females on Earth, he would have to have intercourse with a staggering number of women.

Lil' Wayne, age 27, would have to have sex with 243,531 girls a DAY starting pretty much right now to reach his goal of having sex with the planet's roughly 3 billion women.

I'm sorry Weezy. I wanted to believe, but numbers are numbers. It just can't be done.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Friday, May 15, 2009

Why I hate living in the present

The other day, at my job, I had some friends who wanted to go watch an opening band on our tour. I thought it would be fun, since I don't often spend time in the crowd, to watch the band from front of house and watch the crowd have fun watching them and just get lost in the moment. This is when I noticed that most of the crowd was holding up cameras and cell phones attempting to capture video and photos of the show. Immediately this brought sadness to me as it made me realize one of the very things I held dear about attending a rock concert had been completely lost forever. That's the art of memory. Being able to recount an experience without the use of photographs, or videos, or blogs, or Twitter, is 100 percent a dead art.

I fought with myself about this after I witnessed this display. Is this just something that the youth of today are doing? Is it completely impossible for them to enjoy something and take the home the experience without there being 100 grainy blurry photos for them to peruse? Then I opened up my Twitter client on my phone and was inundated with messages about a show featuring a band that had just gotten back together for the first time in 4 years. Which a) 4 years? not that big a deal.. give me like 10 years and I'm all ears. b) these are grown men "tweeting" this, not excitable teenagers. They come from where I come from. Same ethical and socio-cultural background.

Why is the world in a constant pursuit of validation from their peers and their collection of anonymous followers? Social networking has created this unreal world of people who's worth is measured by followers, friends, and contacts. Now when an event happens in someone's world it automatically becomes public domain. This is what pains me. I can no longer experience anything without someone automatically asking if I "twittered" it or if I have pictures or if blogged about it. It sucks.

30+ years ago when Paul Simonon* smashed his bass onstage at a Clash show in NYC there was ONE camera there to capture it. ONE. You didn't hear about people going home to post on the (then non existent) internet, "OMG DID YOU SEE JOE STRUMMER* BREAK HIS GUTAR ON STAGE AT TEH CLASH SHOOOOOW LOOOOOLZ". 15+ years ago I personally witnessed Nirvana play one of their most legendary shows in NYC at Roseland and one of the most defining moments of the show is a SINGLE photograph that MANY people have seen probably at this point. That one moment, that single part of a very infamous show, that famous black and red sweater, was all captured for all times sake not by a million cameras and phones being waved in the air. It was an historic moment very specifically captured by a photographer there to document the unknown. These days it seems, in large part due to technology, that everyone is a documentarian, and everyone is a critic and a photographer, and a videographer. No one can leave a show without there being some physical proof that it happened then and there, and even worse yet, now with the ability to let everyone who knows you (or not) exactly how it all went down as its going down.

For once in your lives take home a memory and cherish it. Let something that you saw or heard affect you in some way instead of making it some sort of point of validation. Yes, you saw a celebrity. WOOOO. I see celebrities every day of my life. I work for some. My life isn't any more validated than yours when you see the EXACT SAME PEOPLE. It's okay. They're all made of the same cells and blood and hair and skin as you.

Eventually there is going to be no such thing as personal memory. It will all be collective memory based on Flickr photo pools and Twitter posts and blogs. No one will want to listen to an account of how something went down without a digital picture album to follow it up and 300 comments from ABSOLUTE strangers about every second of what you JUST experienced.

Everything is up for review at all times. Every time you open yourself up for validation you open yourself up for judgment. Openness to the world is choking creativity and more importantly stunting creative and emotional growth. Stop letting the world know what you're doing at every second. Leave the crowd wanting more. Blah blah blah blah... the old guy said what? Dude.. TOTALLY twitter that..

* - contrary to collective popular belief/mistake Joe Strummer is NOT the person on the cover of London Calling by the Clash. It's Paul Simonon, and I figured this would be easy enough to figure out since the instrument being smashed is a BASS and not a fucking guitar, but I guess we're all too stupid to think about anything for a second. I give humans way too much credit.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Poetry (and karate) in motion

When I think grace, agility, stealth, flexibility, and strength I don't think of ninjas or olympians. I think of awkwardly skinny, pock marked 20-something year old Russians tooling about in the woods in denim jackets and white mid-tops.

Please observe as Pasha shows you exactly HOW he can and WILL kick your ass.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Running out of chicken

There's nothing even vaguely racist about how this was presented...

Also, Happy 60th birthday Dad.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Business cards

Relax dude, it's still just a business card.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

A Great Urban Mystery Solved!!

After much careful research and consideration I have uncovered what many of us have already thought to be true. Fred Durst was the leprechaun in the tree in Crichton, Alabama!!

Amateur sketch of leprechaun :

Fred Durst's profile photo from Twitter :