Thursday, January 29, 2009

The boss

So yesterday the guy on the left.... boss, decided to post a photo and little story about me on his blog. So, I've decided to return the favor. Yes, we do make up the illustrious team "Stage Left", and yes I do dance (sometimes on tables or couches) when "Hey Ya" comes on. But, I would like to say that I don't purposely try to ruin movies and The Office for him. I just assume we're on the same page. If it wasn't for this guy I would probably be homeless right now. Or maybe just working for a different band. We're probably going to own and operate a Pepper Lunch one day soon.

One time in 2003 when my old band and his current extremely successful band were on tour together we used to play this game where we would pull increasingly more brutal pranks on each other. This one time they stole our merch guy Rich's clothes and he had to run around for an hour or so completely naked. I actually don't remember why his clothes were off to begin with. In retaliation we smeared our guitar tech Ron's diarrhea on their van window. In return someone pissed in bottled and informed us "it's somewhere in your van". I can't remember what it led to next, but I will always remember what came after. Probably the most classic story of all time. Forever known as the night I almost killed Fall Out Boy. Well, not really, but pretty fucking close. This video should explain it. Thanks for everything P.W.

Monday, January 26, 2009

OK, OK, I promise, this is the last one...

I know. I'm obsessed with this Microsoft Songsmith mashup thing, but this one is REALLY good. Unlike the abysmal movie about his life. God, seriously... Why did these guys play Big, Puffy, and 2Pac?!? (Real life guys on the right)

Anyway... here's Biggie's "Dead Wrong" as rendered through Songsmith. Thanks Best Week Ever!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Notes I have left myself

It seems like every couple of months I have a new phone. Not because I want new things, I just have a really awful habit of breaking them, and sometimes having them stolen. All of my new smartphones (i.e. iPhones and Blackberries) that I have had have a notes function that allows me take down some of the following gems, exactly as they are in my phone with titles :


Fletch Lives
All pixar movies


pot holders
organ donors


Crocs make me embarrassed to have feet


Dear future, dont get paid for 20 min. Urbana



That last one I think was my ass dialing those numbers. Pretty impressive for ass dialing.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Just posting a song because now I know how to

Also, because this song fucking rules.

McLusky - To Hell With Good Intentions

Friday, January 23, 2009

Heart Attack Grill

This is where I want to die. If I eat here I probably will.

Detroit crackhead funeral

Somewhere about 3:06 he really nails it.

Helen Hunt on PCP

The title of this is wrong. She's not on crank. It's angel dust... PCP. It gives you the strength of ten men, the ability to fly out of windows, 161 episodes of a sitcom with Paul Reiser. Everyone else in this video is a fucking stoned moron. The smoked doobie J's or whatever they called it...

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Just another day in D.C.

Inflatable George W. Bush, with piles of shoes to throw at it, as seen in Dupont Circle, Washington, D.C.

I love this country.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Star Wars according to some girl

This is exactly what I think Star Wars is about. I have only seen the first one and part of Empire Strikes Back. As far as I'm concerned this a beautiful synopsis.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Saying goodbye, why is it sad?

This should turn out perfectly. I'm sure everyone has well wishes for our soon-to-be former President Of The United States.

From Karl Rove's Twitter:

Bye GWB!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Japanese "We Are The World"

Look past the overtly racist blackface and the mangled English...the woman who does Cyndi Lauper is totally dead on. Shiiiiiiiiit.

Monday, January 12, 2009

David Lee Roth x Songsmith!!!

It finally happened. Two of the greatest things the internet has to offer have come together. I may cry.

David Lee Roth x Songsmith

Yeah, I know I write about David Lee Roth a lot.

Now because my neighbor has woken me up

It's 4:26 AM and my drunk downstairs neighbor has woken me up by playing Stiff Little Fingers "Suspect Device" at top volume while screaming out nonsense to her friend. I can hear this all clearly through the heat vent in my room, and none of it makes any sense. Because of this my force of habit is to grab my computer. This is the first thing I found and it made me think of her ...

Gavin of Street Boners and TV Carnage on why women shouldn't drink

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I'm sold

I'm starting a band based solely on this product. Lisa is going to be my singer/main songwriter. I may even have Dad in the band.

If you can make it past even 2 minutes of this I commend you.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Owning the "other product"

Growing up, I didn't always have what the other kids had. While everyone was playing Pac-Man on their Atari, I had an Intellivision. Some people ate at McDonald's; I got Mom's homemade burger ala Eddie Murphy Raw. While I realize now that these were character building experiences and actually Intellivision was fucking badass in retrospect (Helllllo... BURGERTIME anyone?), it's definitely a slight disappointment as an 8 year old kid who's not eating happy meals.

Enter the SanDisk slotRadio.

Can you imagine the utter sadness as a young kid on Christmas who wants nothing more than an iPod opens up this fail of an invention? Here's some smashing features of this extremely well thought out "other product" :

- No back button. Like that song you just heard? Wait 'til the other 1000 songs on it play through, or just press skip 999 times. IT'S THAT EASY!!!

- Fixed queue. What that means is.... no shuffle. Also, it starts back at the first song every time you turn it on.

Read more about this highly sought after device that all the kids want here!

Note to parents : Kids don't want this thing or anything like it. The above was sarcasm. Get on "the google" and learn about it.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Old People News

Remember when your mom sent you that forwarded e-mail about the "super date rape" drug, or about how you could buy human flesh from a company called ManBeef? (you can't.) Why can't mom and dad just use the internet like normal people? Why are they so caught up in things that are so clearly fake, and how do they fall victim to all those scams?

It's because they're OLD and old people can't use computers like we do. They get lost trying to get "into their Google". They think their bank website comes PRE-INSTALLED on their computer, which is why they can't get a new one or their finances will be lost forever. We're talking about people who grew up in a day and age when typing on ANYTHING was considered a high brow skill.

Finally there's a news program just for them!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Belated Merry X-Mas

If this is the new breed of pawn shop, I'm moving to Jackson, MS!! Suuuuuhhweeeeet!

Proof that anyone can rap

Ross and I have discussed this and can't decide if this is viral or real. I pray to all that is holy that this is in fact real.

I can't wait to get to Japan

This is how I would like to be greeted at the airport.

How I intend on picking up women from now on

Thanks I'm totally using the skills I have acquired within (none) to flirt with women.

Is there anything cooler than magic?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Why I love Tracy Morgan


After 10+ years on the wagon (or is it off?) I have started drinking coffee again. I don't know what this means for me. Does this mean I'll soon be into french presses and going to Starbucks and lattes??

Take note of the hair loss by the way. REALLY sweet.

I live my life like there's no tomorrow

You need this. I need this. What I really need is someone to turn the really long one at the bottom into a ringtone for me. Please. I'm begging.

In case you're wondering and you're really going to do that for me, I have an iPhone. Click this thing below and listen to the magic that is David Lee Roth!!

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Real Terrorist

We know your motives. Stop terrorizing us with your love of baked goods.

Oddly enough this probably came out the day I was born.

Too much music... Too late/early

It's 4:30AM and I'm still downloading music. Thank you Christ Almartyr. For the uninitiated, here's a good start for your iTunes library : Best of '08.

I already miss 2008. The numbers were so round.

Oh yeah, and Z2K was really funny. Way to fail Microsoft. This guy (that's a Zune logo tattoo) was super bummed...

Sunday, January 4, 2009

When taken out of context...

When taken out of context this is.. MORE FUNNY!?!