Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Fuck having arteries...

... we have deep fried cheeseburgers!

Seriously...... DO. WANT.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008


I gotta tell ya, I didn't intend for this blog to become a social commentary forum, complete with video clips, about the state of American media and how we view ourselves and how the average television viewer in this country puts way too much stock into the opinions of people like Oprah, Barbara Walters, and Tyra Banks. But, sometimes I see something ridiculous like the following and it makes me want to jump through the screen and strangle these people for poisoning the minds of people like my mom who casually watch this crap and start to believe that dancing after having some (okay, in this case its 15) drinks is an indicator of a bigger problem like alcoholism. You know what is the indicator? The 15 drinks.

Yeah, I've danced a few times in my life while drunk, too. Guess I gotta go where Amy Winehouse didn't want to go, but eventually did.

The Huffington Post : Tyra Banks Chastises a Drunk-Dancer.

Sorry, I can't for the life of me figure out how to embed this video onto my page.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

CLASSIC DIAZ : Juggalos In My Neighborhood! (orig. 4.29.07)

editor's note : When I originally wrote this post in April I had yet to hear an Insane Clown Posse song. To date I have heard "Chicken Huntin' " and something about bugs on nuts. Now I kind of wished more pictures were taken.

The Insane Clown Posse is easily the most childish, amateur, talentless, and pointless excuse for music I have ever heard....... actually, that's exactly what I would probably say if I had even heard ONE of their songs. I, however, have not, but I have seen their fans and, ohhhhh boooooy, do these people speak volumes not only for the band they rep, but for themselves.

For those unfamiliar with the band their fanbase they're easily identifiable by their white and black face paint, oversized hockey jerseys emblazoned with the groups logo, (mostly) oversized basketball shorts, tiny to medium length dreads, and ridiculously colored hair. Another key characteristic is their dedication to the Michigan based soft drink Faygo. The band apparently sprays cases of it on their audience. The kids love to drink it, carry it around with them, and as one especially stupid one did, pour it on themselves. Oh yeah, and they are all about as brilliant as a two by four. These are the juggalos. Juggalettes is the proper term for the females. They are devoted followers of the words of Insane Clown Posse, a band of which I have heard none of their words, and I'd like to keep it that way, please.

Just yesterday I had the pleasure of having my neighborhood overrun by these morons. This happens every time there is a show at Congress Theater. The entire stretch of Milwaukee Avenue from Western to California gets mobbed with all manner of idiots crowding the local food places, leaving garbage all over the street, and taking all the good parking spots. CVS' parking lot often becomes a makeshift lot for the Congress, since it doesn't have a parking lot of it's own.

Since they were in town, Ross and I decided to head down to the Congress while the juggalos were waiting in line to see what it's all about and snap a few pictures. Lucky for us, the juggalos were more than happy to have their pictures taken. Lucky for you I'm posting them right here.

This young man with the green hair had something written on his knuckles and laughed at Ross when he didn't know what it said or meant. We tried to alter the brightness on this one to see what was on written on his hands, but from what we could tell it just said SBBB BBB. Fuck it, who cares, right?
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The blue faced couple right here seem to be in some sort of discomfort from their face makeup. I'm assuming they're a couple because they're both wearing the same blue face makeup. The dude with the McDonald's cup actually yelled out, "MCDONALDS BITCH!!!" I wonder if he was super pissed that McD's doesn't carry Faygo.
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In this photo, Ross seemed to have gotten them riled up. Take note of the "gang" signs that some of them are throwing up. Also, blue faced girl slyly giving us the finger. Finally, there is McD's band still obsessing over his soda.

Further on down the line we met these people. I know you can't tell from the pictures but the streets and sidewalk were actually sticky from people dumping Faygo all over the place.

This guy, while seemingly participating in the World's Dumbest Dumbshit contest, was also very large. He seemed old enough to know better than to be part of this shit.

Here's a truck filled with Faygo, drink of choice for any self respecting Juggalo/Juggalette. Ross commented, "can you imagine how many bees there are going to be all over the place tomorrow?" Unreal.

So the thing that sucks about completely unprepared to document this carnival of idiocy is that we didn't have a way to capture sound bites of their conversations and random shit they would yell out. I'll try to re-create some Juggalo conversation right here for you, right now, so you don't feel left out.

Juggalo kid (to a guy walking by on the street) : "WOO WOO, You a juggalo?"
Guy on the street : "No, I'm just walking by."

Juggalo after the show : "If you lost your right shoe find a fucking other shoe and stop being a bitch".

Then there was this...... A young girl of about 17 wearing nothing but a bra, saggy baggy pants that hung half way down her ass exposing her space material looking thong. Her pants had the little hatchet guy from their logo and the letters ICP on it. Her hair was shaved around the sides and back, and the top length of hair was pulled into 2 poorly dyed pink pigtails. To complete this look she had some poorly applied super cheap face makeup that made her look like a clown hooker. A true, and utter piece of garbage, straight out of a dumpster.

The thing is, even if you're a juggalo, you have to wait in line at CVS to buy your soda, along with the other people buying BBQ items, tampons, or in my case, some Gatorade. I had the displeasure of listening to their loud and moronic conversation about juggalo gatherings and some picture of a guy named Germ while standing behind them. The two Mexican guys couldn't stop staring at her half hanging out ass. When she jumped into the line one commented to the other, "mira esto!" (Meaning "Look at this")

Fuck it... I can't continue with it... here's the picture

I learned alot about Juggalos and about myself yesterday. I learned that if I ever had a kid who decided to choose this as their lifestyle I would probably disown them. I'd rather raise a child molester. I'd rather my kids end up homeless. I'd rather.... you get the picture.

Thanks to Ross for being brave enough to get close to a juggalo and snap some photos!!

Saturday, January 5, 2008

7 hours too long

This guy will never go away. My nightmares have come true. Dane Cook performed comedy for 7 hours. 7 HOURS!!.

How many jokes involving yelling, loud sounds, and body undulating can one really carry out?! He must have gone through his entire catalog of material!

I will however watch the following for 7 hours...

Friday, January 4, 2008

Not funny today. Just observant.

I may have to stop reading the celebrity gossip blogs as of today. I always knew they were in bad taste, but there's something special about watching a trainwreck as it happens, especially when it has nothing to do with you. For some reason I woke up on the more sensitive side of the bed today and checked in with my least favorite blogger, Mario Lavandeira AKA Perez Hilton. In a way Perez has made his career off of trainwrecks, because at base that's what brainless, mindless Americans want to see. They want to see failure. They want to see the people they admire, or at least paid money to entertain them, fall. I rarely watch the videos on the site, but today I decided to check out one specific video for no real reason other than curiosity.

In this video you can watch as a celebrity is being brought from her home via ambulance to a hospital in Los Angeles. The amount of camera flashing going on is sickening. It's enough to light up a nighttime baseball game. The people blocking the ambulance so they can get their "money shot" are going to be the cause of death for this person. You can hear them panting as they run up and down the street, around the hospital, some trying to slip by hospital security and police, desperately trying to be the person who gets the shot of the celebrity in the ambulance. The father of the celebrity's children shows up and is greeted by the photographers with "Loser!" in an attempt to rile some sort of reaction out of him.

I'm not an idiot. I know this goes on in Hollywood. I have friends who deal with this ...obviously no to this level, but still. It's just kind of sick that our culture relies on the failure of the famous so much that there has spawned an entire profession out of breaking your back to document it. I used to think that there were some pretty low jobs out there, but being a paparazzi is officially the lowest.

I'm pretty sure I don't need to mention who this is about. Here's the video to see it all go down. All for a measly half-second of footage of this person coming out of an ambulance...

Hope you're happy America! This is what you wanted so desperately to see.