Thursday, May 29, 2008

Los Simpson

This kind of made me shit my pants, and I may sleep with the lights on tonight. I have no idea what is going on in this thing. My spanish isn't THAT good.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Let's make fun of ME for a change

I dug this one out of a hidden spot on YouTube. Yours truly, in my more pop-punk days. Right around 2:00 take note of Derrick Sherman, now of Brand New, losing it. Good times. Some of the best times.

Feast on this while I come up with more things to hate!! I can take it as well as I can dish it out.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Good advice and my weekly mental list

Here are some things you should think about while you're out there in the wild...

- NEVER trust someone who is REALLY into Primus, lest you wind up hanging out with these people

- the same goes for 30+ year old males wearing Crocs. I shouldn't even need a picture to explain that one, but I will provide one anyway to drive the point home

- Taco Bell needs a British franchise. Someone open one for those poor souls. Late night kebabs and Wagamama isn't going to cut it forever.

I shall add this to the list of things that I think about at least once a week. This list as it stands right now is :

- Dave Righetti of the 1986 Yankees breaking the saves record. 46 saves in one season! Unheard of at the time.

- 1986 baseball as a whole.

- 1986 in general.

- The difference between ben wa and baoding balls and how not to confuse them.

(SEE! I told you!)

- Wuzzles vs. Popples vs. Furfels. The last one I'm sure existed, but as of now I can find NO information about them. I know my sister had a Popple.

- The video for Herbie Hancock's "Rockit" which used to make me crap my pants. Give me a break, I was like 7 or 8 when this came out. Who knew jazz/hip-hop fusion musicians could make such creepy videos!?!

If you can manage to read through the comments (and who CAN read through all these YouTube comments of subhuman intelligence these days?) you'll find I'm not alone.

This blog post is going nowhere fast so I'm going to end it now.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The 2008 SIHTB Fashion Spread!

Be on the cutting edge!! Be fashion forward at all times!! Be an idiot!

Apparently headbands are no longer for your neck. They are to be worn on your head in varying degrees of stupidity. Take a look at these fine examples for guidance.

"WHAT?!?! They can roofie LOLLIPOPS now?!?!"

CAUTION : headband in progress!

This next guy couldn't decide if he wanted to be the Karate Kid or to 'just do it'.

OMG, Macaulay Culkin wears a bullet belt on his head (sort of... this caption shit is hard)

These aliens flew in on their jetpacks, attached as many retarded accessories as possible, drank redbull and vodka 'til near blindness, and were spacefucked by Steve Aoki when it was all done.

Well, now you have the headband down, and that's all well and good. But what about some permanent statement I can make. Something that will REALLY make mom and dad cry? Something that screams, "My only goal for my early to mid twenties is to be fodder for a party-night picture website". Ladies and gentlemen... HAND TATTOOS!

If he had a third hand with 7 fingers it would say "LONELY"

I feel like she's giving me the finger even more than normal people!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.... "I can't get hand tattoos", you say. "I'll get fired from my job at Borders, and I JUST picked up Saturday day shifts so I can go out and pose for pictures all night!" A good substitute for hand tattoos is friends. Even if they're people you don't know that well. It won't matter. The amount of drugs and alcohol you're about to consume means you're going to fight or fuck at least one of them!

Here's a new game. It's called "who's going to anally rape who first?" My money is on Misfits guy giving it to ol' red. We will not talk about 'marker-on-the-face' guy

Oh, look everyone, it's De'mar from the Plain White T's, the singer from My Chemical Romance, and some guy who works at Reckless

And, finally, the ironic, cheap, crushed, empty, recyclable-for-refund dreams of the cutting edge of Chicago, all packed away and ready for disposal, or at least for another night of dancing to 80s music.

As usual, direct all hate mail to the comments.

YES, I do know some of the people in these photos personally. I don't care about feelings. DUH!

(ALL PHOTO CREDIT, except the first one, TO : Clayton Hauck, who somehow made a living taking pictures of these people. He wins. These people do not.)

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

I'm very happy... with what I just did to you

Why is this news to me? Why is Ross sending me clips with John Mayer? I have no idea, but as of right now I have watched the video for that 'body is a wonderland' song a bunch and that 'scream at the top of my lungs' joint. I met John Mayer at Live Earth this summer. He seems like a nice enough down to earth guy.

What I didn't realize is John Mayer is fucking hilarious. Here he is pwning Ryan Seacrest on what may be a live red carpet broadcast. I need to learn enough Japanese and be famous enough to do this to someone one day...

Then there's this thing he made. It's similar to "Boom Goes The Dynamite" which is so old I'm not posting it here...

Well, it's looks like I like John Mayer. Please direct all concerns and comments to the comments section.