How I intend on picking up women from now on

Thanks www.everythingisterrible.com. I'm totally using the skills I have acquired within (none) to flirt with women.

Is there anything cooler than magic?

Why I love Tracy Morgan

COFFEE!

After 10+ years on the wagon (or is it off?) I have started drinking coffee again. I don't know what this means for me. Does this mean I'll soon be into french presses and going to Starbucks and lattes??

Take note of the hair loss by the way. REALLY sweet.

I live my life like there's no tomorrow

You need this. I need this. What I really need is someone to turn the really long one at the bottom into a ringtone for me. Please. I'm begging.

In case you're wondering and you're really going to do that for me, I have an iPhone. Click this thing below and listen to the magic that is David Lee Roth!!

The Real Terrorist

We know your motives. Stop terrorizing us with your love of baked goods.



Oddly enough this probably came out the day I was born.

Too much music... Too late/early

It's 4:30AM and I'm still downloading music. Thank you Christ Almartyr. For the uninitiated, here's a good start for your iTunes library : Best of '08.

I already miss 2008. The numbers were so round.

Oh yeah, and Z2K was really funny. Way to fail Microsoft. This guy (that's a Zune logo tattoo) was super bummed...

When taken out of context...

When taken out of context this is.. MORE FUNNY!?!

Rule/Suck '08

Here's the definitive list of things that ruled and sucked in 2008. I love reviewing the year! It brings a tear to my extremely jaded eyes...

RULE
- 6 paid months off.
- Mexican vacation in Tulum.
- Visiting Skully in England.
- FOB Spring Break show in Cancun. I think I'm still hungover.
- Almost going to Antarctica.
- Staying the course in Amsterdam after a whole box of these :

- Having a new apartment and actually spending time in it.
- Disfear "Live The Storm", Lords "Fuck All Y'all Motherfuckers", Iron Chic, Lil Wayne "Tha Carter III", Torche "Meanderthal", The Bronx "III", The Gaslight Anthem "'59 Sound", Dear & The Headlights "Drunk Like Bible Times"
- The many, many BBQs this summer
- Friends getting engaged/married/having babies : Jesse & Jessica, Pete & Ashlee & Bronx, Joe & Marie
- Turning 32 in Europe with some of my best friends around.
- Peapod grocery delivery. Perfect for lazy, non car having fucks like me.
- Zappos. Same as above except for shoes.
- Online Scrabble.
- The Horrorble Business hijacking of the set in S.F. :

- Obama. I knew this country wasn't COMPLETELY fucking retarded.
- Buying and wearing sunglasses for the first time in my life.
- Another round of Japan, Australia and Hawaii with the MCS guys and crew.
- Doing a show in Russia for a billionaire. E-mail me and I'll get you the full story.
- Minute Maid pomegranate blueberry 100% juice blend. It nourishes your brain.
- Not going to Hawaii with someone I would eventually grow to despise.
- 511 skinny jeans even though I'm fat(ter).
- Me. Bet you didn't see that coming!

SUCK
- Grandma passing away.
- Losing another iPod. This time by my own irresponsibility.
- Not making it to Antarctica and getting stuck in Punta Arenas, Chile with scary fan kids surrounding the building at all times...

- Pepsi changing their logo, and STILL sucking. Coca-Cola FTW!
- The amount of money I spent at Small Bar this year. Absurd.
- Dropping my iPhone in the sea in Mexico, getting a new one and then nearly destroying that one too.
- That terrible new Kanye West record. I'm a huge Kanye fan, and this was such a pile of shit that I deleted from my computer lest it taint my other music files.
- Twitter, Facespace, MyBook, etc... Necessary evil I guess.
- Gaining another 20+ lbs. I'm starting to look like a pear.
- Everything suddenly being so goddamn expensive.

- German being really hard to learn.
- You. 3 years running now!

Not sure what to do with this blog anymore

There was a time when I used to post on here all the time. I had this sort of "I hate everything"/observation/comedy blog which I think for me personally is getting kind of stale. I don't post here nearly as much as I used to and I'm pretty busy doing real life stuff.

I think I'm going to officially change this into a more personal blog involving my day to day travels and personal stuff. It will be far less interesting (most likely), but it will be easier for me to write about stuff.

Dear readers, expect a change in format here. Man, I may even get a tumblr. Is that lame? Probably, so I won't do it. What the hell IS tumblr anyway?!?

Dear person wearing a bluetooth in line at the pizza place

Dear person wearing a Bluetooth in line at the pizza place,

Unless you are some sort of secret agent who needs to have their hands free at all times to perform martial arts at the drop of a hat, or unless you're driving a car, which I assume you're not since you're in the pizza place, please refrain from using your 300 dollar covert operations Secret Service ear piece to talk drivel on your cell with your acquaintances.

It's disconcerting to be standing next to someone who says "excuse me", assume that it's directed towards me and then be faced with a blank stare and a one-sided conversation about your cat or whatever the hell you were talking about.

Also, please refrain from looking at me like I'm the one who's fucking nuts because I'm baffled that you're talking to yourself, because that's exactly what it looks like you're doing.

Technology sucks sometimes, even though I wrote this on my iPhone sitting right behind you while you slobbered on your pepperoni slice and continued to talk. I didn't realize they made hands free sets so you could have an excuse to finally talk with your mouth full in public.

Take care and brush your hair,
B.D.

LOLbama-ing all the way to the bank

History made. People are happy. The world rejoices. Change! Hope! Free Money!! (insert promise here)!!

We have a long way to go America. Don't jump the gun just yet. It's not like it's going to be fixed overnight. Just like Bill Murray once said in What About Bob?, baby steps.

I'm back!!!!

I know it's been FOREVER since I have posted anything on this blog. I don't even know if anyone is following this thing anymore.

The following has happened since I last posted on here in August :

- I turned 32
- I toured the entire U.S., and most of Europe
- I started smoking pot again for the first time in 4 years
- I started watching Mad Men
- I pretty much ditched Myspace in favor of Facebook
- I bought about 15 more pairs of sneakers
- I had a post featured on Blog Of Unnecessary Quotation Marks

I have been completely uninspired to write about anything, and to be honest with the touring going on I really haven't even had time. That is until tonight.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you for your listening pleasure, straight from Peoria, IL... .MR. JOHN DAKER!!