Sunday, January 6, 2008

CLASSIC DIAZ : Juggalos In My Neighborhood! (orig. 4.29.07)

editor's note : When I originally wrote this post in April I had yet to hear an Insane Clown Posse song. To date I have heard "Chicken Huntin' " and something about bugs on nuts. Now I kind of wished more pictures were taken.

The Insane Clown Posse is easily the most childish, amateur, talentless, and pointless excuse for music I have ever heard....... actually, that's exactly what I would probably say if I had even heard ONE of their songs. I, however, have not, but I have seen their fans and, ohhhhh boooooy, do these people speak volumes not only for the band they rep, but for themselves.

For those unfamiliar with the band their fanbase they're easily identifiable by their white and black face paint, oversized hockey jerseys emblazoned with the groups logo, (mostly) oversized basketball shorts, tiny to medium length dreads, and ridiculously colored hair. Another key characteristic is their dedication to the Michigan based soft drink Faygo. The band apparently sprays cases of it on their audience. The kids love to drink it, carry it around with them, and as one especially stupid one did, pour it on themselves. Oh yeah, and they are all about as brilliant as a two by four. These are the juggalos. Juggalettes is the proper term for the females. They are devoted followers of the words of Insane Clown Posse, a band of which I have heard none of their words, and I'd like to keep it that way, please.

Just yesterday I had the pleasure of having my neighborhood overrun by these morons. This happens every time there is a show at Congress Theater. The entire stretch of Milwaukee Avenue from Western to California gets mobbed with all manner of idiots crowding the local food places, leaving garbage all over the street, and taking all the good parking spots. CVS' parking lot often becomes a makeshift lot for the Congress, since it doesn't have a parking lot of it's own.

Since they were in town, Ross and I decided to head down to the Congress while the juggalos were waiting in line to see what it's all about and snap a few pictures. Lucky for us, the juggalos were more than happy to have their pictures taken. Lucky for you I'm posting them right here.

This young man with the green hair had something written on his knuckles and laughed at Ross when he didn't know what it said or meant. We tried to alter the brightness on this one to see what was on written on his hands, but from what we could tell it just said SBBB BBB. Fuck it, who cares, right?
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The blue faced couple right here seem to be in some sort of discomfort from their face makeup. I'm assuming they're a couple because they're both wearing the same blue face makeup. The dude with the McDonald's cup actually yelled out, "MCDONALDS BITCH!!!" I wonder if he was super pissed that McD's doesn't carry Faygo.
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In this photo, Ross seemed to have gotten them riled up. Take note of the "gang" signs that some of them are throwing up. Also, blue faced girl slyly giving us the finger. Finally, there is McD's band still obsessing over his soda.

Further on down the line we met these people. I know you can't tell from the pictures but the streets and sidewalk were actually sticky from people dumping Faygo all over the place.

This guy, while seemingly participating in the World's Dumbest Dumbshit contest, was also very large. He seemed old enough to know better than to be part of this shit.

Here's a truck filled with Faygo, drink of choice for any self respecting Juggalo/Juggalette. Ross commented, "can you imagine how many bees there are going to be all over the place tomorrow?" Unreal.

So the thing that sucks about completely unprepared to document this carnival of idiocy is that we didn't have a way to capture sound bites of their conversations and random shit they would yell out. I'll try to re-create some Juggalo conversation right here for you, right now, so you don't feel left out.

Juggalo kid (to a guy walking by on the street) : "WOO WOO, You a juggalo?"
Guy on the street : "No, I'm just walking by."

Juggalo after the show : "If you lost your right shoe find a fucking other shoe and stop being a bitch".

Then there was this...... A young girl of about 17 wearing nothing but a bra, saggy baggy pants that hung half way down her ass exposing her space material looking thong. Her pants had the little hatchet guy from their logo and the letters ICP on it. Her hair was shaved around the sides and back, and the top length of hair was pulled into 2 poorly dyed pink pigtails. To complete this look she had some poorly applied super cheap face makeup that made her look like a clown hooker. A true, and utter piece of garbage, straight out of a dumpster.

The thing is, even if you're a juggalo, you have to wait in line at CVS to buy your soda, along with the other people buying BBQ items, tampons, or in my case, some Gatorade. I had the displeasure of listening to their loud and moronic conversation about juggalo gatherings and some picture of a guy named Germ while standing behind them. The two Mexican guys couldn't stop staring at her half hanging out ass. When she jumped into the line one commented to the other, "mira esto!" (Meaning "Look at this")

Fuck it... I can't continue with it... here's the picture

I learned alot about Juggalos and about myself yesterday. I learned that if I ever had a kid who decided to choose this as their lifestyle I would probably disown them. I'd rather raise a child molester. I'd rather my kids end up homeless. I'd rather.... you get the picture.

Thanks to Ross for being brave enough to get close to a juggalo and snap some photos!!


Charged by the System said...

Ugh, in the rare chance that those two with the blue faces aren't brother and sister (perhaps it doesn't even matter), how much do you wanna bet that they smear blue make-up all over their filthy pillows while they make sloppy, pygmy love to each other?

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you brought this over to your blogspot, it was one of your funniest myspace blogs ever!

colleen said...

i dont know you but this is one of the best things i have ever read.